I have seen dozens of versions of this “things I can/can’t control” graphic and they have never sat well with me as a trauma survivor, trainer, or student of trauma-informed work. While the items listed as “I can’t control” work well for most of us, the list of items this graphic claims “I can control” are problematic, misleading, and oversimplified for so many people living with mental health challenges like cPTSD, anxiety, panic disorders, or even ADHD. These graphics are also a form of ableism.
For starters, let’s examine the origins of these graphics. They appear to be a reference to the theory of a Locus of control which is the belief system people have about the origins of what happens to them and how much is or isn’t in their control. The concept is fairly complex which brings us to the first issue with these graphics, they are oversimplified and that gives a false impression of what they say and what they imply. These graphics take the concept of internal locus of control out of context and make it sound like people can literally control things they really don’t have the ability to control.
Next issue is that these graphics make the claim that each of these items fall into a binary of controllable and not controllable except, again that is oversimplified. Much of what this particular graphic claims is controllable, I would argue that is only true while a person is working from a regulated nervous system. In this state of regulation where all of our body’s systems are in balance, we are able to access the frontal cortex of the brain which is where are best selves live. Our executive functions allow us to control all sorts of amazing aspects of our lives. That comes with a catch which is that not all of us live in a regulated state of calm all the time. In fact, I would say few of us can really do that all the time. This concept is called “State Dependent Functioning” and it points out to us that the brain under stress limits your cognitive abilities and therefore your ability to “control” many aspects of a situation especially if the situation has evocative cues to past traumatic events the brain sees as current threats.
When you read up on Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics (NMT), we learn that the brain has 4 main layers that work and function from the bottom up. Starting with the brain stem (basic body functions), moving up through the cerebellum (movement/affect), passing through the Limbic system (emotions) , then to the cortex. Each piece of sensory information from either the outside world (5 senses) or the inside world (interception) needs to pass through each layer. Each layer has the ability to hold memory and can throw the body into action even before our conscious minds are aware of something happening. Our brain is wired to act and feel before it thinks. This comes as a surprise to those people who have spent a lifetime being told to “think” before they act which is possible only when all systems are in-balance. We can be thrown into fight-flight-freeze-faint by any one of the lower layers of the brain before our cortex is aware a threat has been detected. This fact is what makes these graphics terribly inaccurate and even harmful especially when used in the context of children.
This graphic states that people can control:
-My response to other’s behavior
-How other people affect me
-Where I give my time, energy, and attention
These would be great if only they were true as concretely as the graphic would have you believe. In a perfect world, it would be possible for people to control their reactions and responses to others. In many cases, it is true we can in fact do this. The harm comes from the truth that we cannot always do this and for many trauma survivors controlling reactions and responses is a lifelong challenge of learning to become aware of and control what triggers the nervous system’s threat response systems. In simple terms, this graphic has tried to oversimplify a concept to a point it is now harmful and misleading.
For many trauma survivors who struggle with addictions or compulsive behaviors, telling them and others around them that they can control their time, energy, and attention is just cruel. For some trauma survivors, those compulsive behaviors are rooted in the body’s attempts to regulate and protect. While at the time these compulsive behaviors began, they may have been life-saving. As time has progressed, those same behaviors can become maladaptive. Self-harming behaviors, addictions, and overthinking are examples of such compulsive behaviors.
What’s the harm?
These graphics give people a false sense of what people can and can’t do. That false sense can cause people to have very unrealistic expectations of others and themselves. In a sense, they are ableism. These graphics leave us in the world of “should” where we think people should control things they can’t.
“You/I should be able to control “X” what’s wrong with you/me?
When created with a trauma-informed lens, I am betting we could come up with more accurate and more helpful graphics that build compassion and grace. To look at others not with the thought they “should” be in-control of their responses and instead see the grace that someone may be struggling. To concretely tell children they “should” be able to control stuff they can’t also creates shame and negative narratives. It isn’t helping them build resilience.
I may not have all the answers on what these graphics could look like, I know we could do better. This post is conversation starter and one where I hope we can question these graphics in light of more recent neuroscience.