Speak Compassion

There are two things I hear anti-gay folks say that contradict each other on every level. The first is that being gay is all about sex, the second is that they know or have gay friends. Those two things don’t add up when put together. In fact, they don’t add for anyone breathing. If you believe on any level that being gay is just about sex, then you don’t know really know or understand anyone who is gay. You may be surface level friends or something, but you don’t really know or understand gay people. If you did, then you would know this isn’t all about sex. You would also know how dehumanizing it feels to hear people say it is all about sex.

I have known dozens of gay couples, and read about hundreds more who have been together 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. I can assure that doesn’t happen to couples who have based their relationship on sex. Sex is fun. Sex is rewarding for couples. It reassures feelings of intimacy. It can end arguments and create memories. Sex is the foundation of all relationships, but not the structure. Gay or straight, your attraction to your partner is key, but it is your love that keeps you together. It is your Darwinian instinct to have sex, with a person with whom you are attracted. On the other hand, it won’t last past breakfast if there isn’t something more.

I can tell you that after eight years (at the end of this month) being with my partner, this isn’t about sex. It is about companionship and love. If it was just sex, I could have dumped him years ago. So the next time some anti-gay person says that being gay is all about sex, but then claims they have gay friends you should know they are either lying or they greatly over-estimate the level of friendship and most certainly the understanding they have with and of gay people.