Sorry for the lack of updates, but I have really not felt much like writing. Whatever muse that usually drives me, seems to be off on vacation. I have been pre-occupied with some bigger news that is happening in my life, but I will save that for later when it is all confirmed. I also just finished an interview with David Ciciline, Mayor of Providence for “get” magazine that should be out in print in the next few days.
I have been watching the news about the Day of Silence and the Ken Hutcherson drama. It seems this man protested the protest against anti-gay violence. He complained about the Day of Silence being disruptive, then turned around to brag and celebrate his victory over the protest that was to protest anti-gay violence that was surly more disruptive than the Day of Silence. Not sure I can comprehend that mindset, but I can tell you it feels sad to read about the man’s glee at disrupting a protest against violence.
I also got myself tangled for a short while with a Stacy Harp supporter. Not sure what it is in me that believes that people will take the time to listen to each other and respect each other, but I do. I also know that can take lots of time and energy. The comments in this thread left me feeling exhausted just reading them, let alone replying. I don’t have that energy anymore. I have been blogging for 2 and 1/2 years seemingly to correct the same myths and lies over and over.
I sense so much bitterness, anger and frustration in their comments. That comes along with the references to Paul Cameron research that we die younger. I doubt they even know that is the source of that myth. There are also the typical myths and lies about GLBT folks and the inferences that gays deserve any violence that comes their way. One commenter wrote:
maybe if so many in the “GLBT” community weren’t working so hard to foist off their lifestyle on our children by telling my 8 year old son that someone wanting to stick their penis in his anus is perfectly natural and acceptable behavior maybe the folks that walk down the street so damned proud of the fact that they are a rope smoker or a carpet muncher wouldn’t get their asses beat down.
I am sad to hear anyone blame the victim for violence. It just does nothing to help anyone.
Eventually, I could see that nothing good or productive could come from the conversation there, so I ditched. Sadly, I find that to be the case with just about every anti-gay person I have ever had contact with especially Stacy Harp. Nothing good seems to come from talking with them. Aside from the understanding I gain of their thinking and where they are coming from, I see nothing good coming from direct conversation with people who are anti-gay.
I am growing to a point where I am happy to be with my partner, happy to hang with my dogs and just be. I am growing concerned about the direction this country is taking, but I am also getting older and tired. I see the bitterness and determination of people like Stacy Harp, Ken Hutcherson and the Peter LaBarbera’s of the world, to win against GLBT folks rather than win over GLBT folks. We as a country are more worried about who we have power over then who we have power with. These are some big mistakes if you take a look at what we are facing with food shortages and gas problems. Our population is heading for 9 billion and we don’t have the resources to feed all those people. You can guess where this will take us. (and they’re worried about who I sleep with?)
I don’t have their determination, but I also can happily say I am not carrying their anger or bitterness either. I think much of their reactions and movements come from a place of fear. None of them would be working so hard if they were not afraid what the world would look like should GLBT rights be granted. The flip side of that would be, what is there end game. What does the world look like should they get everything they are working to get? Do they even know?
With that all said, I am off to a behavioral health conference in Boston for a few days. I will check in but I won’t have time to blog much. In the meanwhile, I updated the page “My Journey to Nonviolence” feel free to catch up on where I am these days. I may even add some more later tonight as I have had a definite shift in my thinking lately!
UPDATE:
After checking in once or twice with the Cao Blog, I left this comment. I would be interested to see the replies to it.
the comment I left:
Stacy,
I have an entire blog filled with two years of writings denouncing glbt folks who use tactics like those. I feel confident I have denounced and rejected all forms of violence. If you feel that I should denouce it some more because it involved you then you should have emailed me and made such a request, not a demand. But think about it, why would I have made a specific mention of the mail you get? Why do you feel you are so important that I should denounce your email from activists? If you had made a reasonable request for me to denounce it, I would have but you made a demand instead. I don’t much give in to demands.
As for cao, I am not sure what you are even talking about. I did recently write a piece on my blog entitled how to oppose homosexuality without hate. One of the main points I made is that GLBT folks are human beings. We are capable of decent conversations but like most, would prefer that be civil discourse.
Civil discourse usually consists of “I” statements and valid points of argument.
Here is a sample of what I have heard on this thread about me or at me from you guys….
-rather hypocritical of Joe
-he’s determined to sit on the pity pot
-he’s afraid of your jokes. So he refuses to answer
-You seem to me to be a very disturbed person
-You’re afraid of everything
-What a confused soul
-If you’re that much of a nonviolence freak
-He came here intentionally baiting
-Seems ole Joe is just “skeered” of everything
-What a fantasyworld you live in!
Is this what you call civil discourse? I am happy to have a civil conversation with most people, but this is not civil discussion. I avoid bully tactics, insults and name calling as I see them as unproductive and divisive. If you would like to engage in civil discussion, then email me, otherwise this looks like school yard bully play that doesn’t help anyone.
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April 29th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Wow real “Christian” of them to say such a thing. I guess Compassion is not in their Bible.
April 30th, 2008 at 8:41 am
My partner & I have been together for thirty years and met at a GLBT political meeting. We’ve been working towards equal rights, together, for all that time. Now we are 60!
Of course you’re going to feel “burnout.” So take a break. Do something that gives you joy for a while and then come back to the battle.
There are three positions we can be in. Defending, surviving and thriving. If you find yourself in the bottom two you need a rest!
On the other hand I often find that attacking is an excellent restorative. I get fed up with defending and need to be proactive.
Primarily - take care of yourself for a while!
Tony.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Hey Tony (and Joe and Rob!),
Congratulations on the 30 years! Just today I received an email from two Australian friends and they are about to celebrate their 30th anniversary as well.
I love that description of the three positions. I’ll have to remember that. I find myself usually in the thriving category, but when I blog I feel like I shift down into the defending category…
Kevin
May 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Joe, don’t let these nuts get to you - as Tony said, spend some time on things you enjoy too.
I do the same - I try to balance my hobbies (music collecting, etc.) with writing on GLBT subjects.
When you’re constantly reading the combined nuttery of Stacy Harp, Peter LaBarbera, Matt Barber, AFA, etc., it can be frusterating and likely increases anxiety level in some people.
Now I know what it must be like to be a special education teacher, trying to keep up with their students. Paying attention to Harp and the gang is no different - they’re nothing more than special education flunkees with a bible running amok online.
And don’t pay that Cao no mind. Like Janet Folger, she believes she’s a man.
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:21 pm
I appreciate all of your comments and support. Please don’t get me wrong. I am burnt out on blogging about the same ole, same ole, but I am happy as a pig in shit. I have a great relationship with a great guy who I love and who I trust he loves me. I have a great job! I volunteer at the mediation center, I write for a magazine. I work out 4 or 5 times a week. I am doing more with my career than most people who have Masters and PhDs and I have no degree. I feel proud of what I have accomplished and humbled by what I have not.
I think Cao is probably a nice person, but like many bloggers, she keeps up her sharp finger tips on the keys cause it fits the persona she is keeping online. It is what she wants people to see. Sometimes the persona we see in a person online isn’t anything like the person in real life. I have no idea who she really is or what she is really like. She also knows nothing about me or what I am really like. So anything we say about each other is moot.
I am tired of blogging about the religious right. It just feels frustrating. I value diversity in the things I write about, even when I am not find of the topics. I like to be challenged as a writer. THe same ole same ole arguments about gays shorter life spans (bullshit!) and how our love is all about sex.( really bullshit and my next post) and all the other myths I have corrected a zillion times over….
Cao writes about me like I am some scared “faggot” in misery with the world. Pretty far from the me that really exists, but that is what she wants me to be, she hasn’t really taken the time to talk with me and see what kinda of person I am or I am not. Same with Stacy Harp who despite may emails and conversations doesn’t know me at all.
Stacy Harp called me out of the blue, rather than asking questions out of the true sincerity of knowing the answers, she just talked at me. It really had nothing to do with “me” per se’ but her. The fact I was on the phone means nothing because the call was about Stacy. That call was never about me which is why it means nothing to me.
It is funny how some anti-gay people convince themselves what you are like as a person without ever taking the time to get to know you as a person first. They would find I am very happy with life, I am very much in love with my partner and I very much take care of myself. The misery they try to portray of me, and blame on my sexuality is silly.
I fill my life with positive things or I try, and I strive daily to be a better person and always do the right thing regardless what is done to me. I succeed and I fail, either way I am alive and breathing. What more could I ask for…..
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I will also add that many of the folks at Cao’s blog, including Kender have come and left comments that have not been published. I welcome their comments, but they need to read the comment guidelines and follow them. Then I will be happy to publish them!
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:25 pm
so what rule did I break joe? I wasn’t threatening, violent or mean. I asked you a question that you refused to post and answer. I broke none of your rules and still don’t get my question posted, but that;’s to be expected. No problem. Your house, your rules, your hypocrisy and cowardice.
We’re good.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Kender,
Your comment that was unapproved contain lanaguage I don’t allow. It also didn’t fly with my comments policy.
I am happy to allow your comments if they are in line with the comments policy. Read the policy and see if you can post your remarks without insults, name calling and insults. I don’t just yammer about nonviolence, I really do ty to practice it.
You did break the rules, and that is why your comment didn’t make it. I would challenge you Kender to try civil discussion here at my blog. No insults means not calling others hypocrites or cowards. It means treating people with respect. It is the easy way out of an argument to shoot insults, it is much harder to make rational, fact based replies. I prefer the later.
You should know that you have one approved comment and that means the spam filter will let you post comments without approval. I am putting my faith in you that you can remain civil and refrain from calling people hypocrites and cowards and have a civil conversation. I bet beyond the rough talk you are capable of reasonable conversation.
-Joe
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 pm
NO, Joe, I am apparently not capable of reasonable conversation. I am disgusted at the GLBT community for pushing their agenda into ever younger classes. My son at 8 does not need to hear that buggery is perfectly normal or how to place a condom on a banana.
I still want to know what you think of the guys parading around making your community look like abunch of freaks in assless chaps. I have several gay friends, longtime well loved close friends who cringe when they see it, and rail against the pride parades that show on the news the drag queens and the in your facers. They try to lead quiet lives keeping to themselves, and the militant gays that push the extremes in people’s faces daring us to say something against them only strengthen our resolve, and make you guys look bad.
May 4th, 2008 at 9:16 am
It sounds like you are angry at those GLBT folks who dress too wild at pride parades. I am not a fan of that either, but I also am not a fan of women flashing their chests at Mardi Gras or Spring Break. I think gay and straight, there are people who will do inappropriate things at at inappropriate times. I do value balance. I value speaking to both sides. If you are going to rail against pride parades, then rail against girls gone wild at spring break and Mardi gras.
I also hear that you are upset at what your 8 year old is learning. In that case, I would consult the school. I have my doubt at 8 he is hearing about sex and especially specific acts, but I am a supporter of teaching kids sex ed in age appropriate ways. There is no reason kids should be afraid or shamed about sex. We should be expose them to it in age appropriate ways so they know the right language, the right words, what is healthy and unhealthy. Sex is a natural part of life. I believe we do more damage to kids hiding the facts from them. In other countries with lower STI rates, they do teach kids about sex at younger ages.
Sadly, kids are not being taught how to use condoms and we have sky rocketing STI’s in teens. 1 in 4 girls in this country has an STI. That is 25% of your son’s school. Should your son start fooling around at 11 or 12 like many boys do, that is what he is facing. Teaching to use a condom could save his life or at best stop him from getting a gift he can’t get rid of.
As for your last point, I hear that you feel more comfortable when gays and lesbians just keep to themselves leading quiet lives. I would think most GLBT do live quiet lives, but I am curious what is militant and who gets to decide who is and who isn’t militant? you?
I am not a pride parade fan, but I am also not a fan of not standing up for what is right. In so many states GLBT couples of many years are treated like strangers, separated in nursing homes or denied the ability to bury their partners. The myth that we can just go to a lawyer is that, a myth. We stand up because we need to be able to live our lives with our partners and feel protected and acknowledged by the body we pay so much in taxes. We were recently looking to move to a new state and couldn’t move to so many states because one of us would end up without health care or have to pay more for it. We were only going to move to states with domestic partner benefits because that is what we need. So we turned down good jobs in good states because we would end up without protections and healthcare. The militants are standing to change those problems.
I appreciate you sharing your feeling and needs about this.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Wow Kender,
What a way to have a conversation.
“I still want to know what you think of the guys parading around making your community look like abunch of freaks in assless chaps.” Are you talking about the gay community? You could easily be referring to the straight community–I’ve seen the pics of Mardi Gras from various cities and various straight parties. “Assless chaps” don’t just belong to the gay community.
And that is fine that your so-called friends “try to lead quiet lives keeping to themselves.” If all of us did that, we would be stuck in the closet forever. Some of us don’t like the fact that people like yourself push your religious agenda on the rest of us. Some of us actual want to have equal rights. I know, silly of me to want to be equal to someone like you…
May 10th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Kevin, I have no religious agenda. I have a decency agenda. I too disagree with the rampant nudity mardi gras. Our children should not be exposed to these things.