I have been writing about the pro-gay/anti-gay “culture clash” for almost two years. I can see as clear as day how the anti-gay industry is dehumanizing gays and lesbians for the own personal gain for decades. Each and every anti-gay article includes the plea to fight the enemy by donating money. These groups are using the same tactics of propaganda used by the Nazi’s in Germany and the pro-segregationists of the black civil rights movement that continues as we speak. The idea of creating enemy images of your opponent, so they are no longer seen as human but seen as the enemy is paramount to the effort to rally the “troops” against them. Often, military metaphors are used to aide in the process of engaging fear of the “enemy.” (i.e., the “war” on marriage or “defend marriage” or “militant homosexuals”) These tactics take people’s attention off the humanity of this group. They are no longer seen as people, but enemies in a battle. I have yet to see a battle that did not involve bloodshed and this one has been no different.
At the same time I have been writing about these events, I have been studying nonviolence as an agent for personal and social change. I have read books by civil rights leaders and peace makers like Martin Luther King, Jr., Mohandas Gandhi, Thich Nhat Hahn and Marshall Rosenberg. I have taken a 64 hour training to be a trainer of Kingian Nonviolence, and most recently, 33-hours of training in mediation. I have gone into schools over-run by gangs and violence and taught children about nonviolence. I continue to grow on this quest to live my live free of passive and physical violence. (This includes avoiding violence on TV, Movies or the internet).
I must admit I have been struggling lately with my own writings about the religious right. While I believe strongly that we must address the lies, the dehumanizing tactics, and enemy images created by their propaganda, I also can’t help but notice we all too often fulfill the clichés that the oppressed will inevitably become the oppressor. “Conflicts are seldom managed productively by attention to blame or causality, or detecting the prosecutor and victim. If you tag someone with the “fault” label, you have not managed the conflict; you have only created an enemy. We call this blame process “Putting the black hat on the villain.” (Interpersonal Conflict, Wilmot & Hocker, 2001 Pg. 182) I wonder what “hat” are we putting on the religious right and would it happen to be the one they originally put on us? Are we fighting their attempts to make us the enemy by in turn making them the enemy?
In the process called Nonviolent Communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, it is pointed out that calling people “good” or “bad”, “Right” or “wrong” focuses too much on what people “are” rather than what they need. It is not life serving to live from a place of blame and judgment. With that in mind, I can’t help but wonder how we are going to solve anything in this conflict of beliefs and ideas when we are not willing to help the other side find ways to meet their needs. I have yet to see Peter Labarbera offer any suggestions on how to prevent hate crimes against gays and lesbians, but I also can’t say I see that many gay activists trying to help anti-gay preachers stay congruent with their faith, while allowing GLBT folks to have their needs met. Is this even possible? Mohandas Gandhi once said, “The fastest way to win justice for yourself is to render it to your opponents.” A fancy, but beautiful way of saying that if you can meet your opponents’ needs, it is likely they will be more willing to help you meet yours.
All of this causes me to choose my words carefully when talking about Peter LaBarbera, DL Foster, Stephen Bennett or James Dobson. In my heart, I don’t believe anyone is truly evil. I believe we are all trying to get our needs met. For some that is a need for equality, for others it may be a need to have the world congruent with their faith. While I don’t always understand what the needs are, I notice more so that few are trying to understand at all. So many people have acted in evil ways in a quest to meet their need to live pain free lives in a painful world. I am reminded of the many school shooters whose need to end pain in themselves, came at the expense of others’ lives. I wonder what would have happen if they had seen other options for meeting their needs. In the same way, I wonder what LaBarbera, Foster and Bennett would be doing if we found a way for them to meet their needs without demonizing gays and lesbians as “after the children” or “infiltrating the schools” or “militant?”
Still, as I said in paragraph three above, I am struggling with my own website and the tone I have taken at times. I wonder how it is possible to point out the damage, the unmet needs, provide more accurate information about GLBT folks yet not demonzie people who are anti-gay as the enemies of those who are progay? We cannot fight their enemy images with more enemy images. At the end of the day, we all put our pants on one leg at a time. We all need to share this planet and I would prefer to do it without the violence, inequality and hatred whether god supports it or not. We all worship different gods or no gods at all. We will need to find ways to living together as brothers regardless of religious beliefs or we will end up dying together regardless of religious beliefs.
Across the planet, thousands die everyday at the hand of religious dogma, millions more are oppressed or imprisoned because of differing religious beliefs. I can’t help but think that if I did believe there was a creator, would he appreciate all this death, oppression and sorrow in his name?
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