Speak Compassion

Dear Stacy,

8 Responses to “Dear Stacy,”

1. Joe Brummer Says:
   March 9th, 2006 at 8:10 pm

   I am sorry to Jon and Jonathan, I had to delete your comments. I thought they were good comments, but I stated in this thread that no comments that were not stories would be allowed. I know you two have stories. Please share them! There really is a method to my madness.

2. Julia Says:
   March 9th, 2006 at 9:57 pm

   I just came out very recently. One of my best friends, Katy, was raised by a very strict Christian family. I didn’t find out until this week that she had been badmouthing me and telling everyone how inappropriate she thought it was. My other friend, Jenn, who was also just realizing her sexuality felt terrified to tell anyone because of everything she’d heard Katy say. I confronted Katy, and she said that it was wrong, and that it was my choice to be treated this way.

3. Joe Brummer Says:
   March 9th, 2006 at 10:38 pm

   Thank you for sharing that!

4. Jayelle Says:
   March 9th, 2006 at 10:58 pm

   Dear Stacy,
   I am a bisexual woman who will be 32 years old this weekend. I was fired from two jobs for being bisexual. The first one, the sub shop where I worked was sold to a new owner. Everyone knew about my girlfriend and my bisexuality. My new boss said he had “strong family values” and that he wanted only employees who would uphold them–my accuracy on a cash register didn’t matter.

   The second time, I told a co-worker who was saying that homosexuality “destroys civilization” that “you don’t know who’s here,” in a very low and calm voice. When she asked what I meant, I came out. I, not my loud-mouthed co-worker, was fired for being “militant” and “distracting.” Both of these incidents took place in Orlando in the mid-nineties.

   I am now married to that girl who unknowingly cost me the sub shop job (we’ve been together since 1992). I say married because it’s how we feel; it is also what we are in New York City (where we live) and Massachussetts (where we contracted our marriage.)

   My mother lives near Washington DC. She wants me and my brother closer to her. Because of Virginia’s proposed “pro-marriage” amendment, however, my wife and I doubt that we could even have a joint household checking account there, let alone any other way to care for and protect each other. She told her state representative in a letter that “I want both of my children and their wives to feel welcome when they visit me.” Unfortunately, we don’t.

   I surf. I go to New Jersey or Delaware to do it. If I were to get into an accident, I would not be considered married, nor would my wife, who I trust with everything, be automatically considered my next of kin without her pulling out several pages of expensive legal paperwork (medical power of attorney among them) that the doctors may or may not take seriously. My wife loves bats, and sometimes goes to upstate New York or out of state to help rehabilitate and rescue them. I worry about what would happen if a rabid one bit her.

   We should not have to live with an extra layer of worry because we are both women.

   Thank you for your time and consideration.

5. Vanessa Says:
   March 10th, 2006 at 9:20 am

   Dear Stacy: I probably have many stories, as I am in my forties now and have been out for about twenty years. Two specific ones stick out, though. When I first came out, and started telling family and friends, I told a friend of mine that I was quite close to at work, thinking that it would be okay. After I told her that I was a lesbian, she barely spoke to me, except about work stuff. She also would literally cringe when I would even accidentally touch her after that. That hurt so badly. I was at a local mall one day, with my partner at the time, and some youths in a car, with an adult, yelled “dykes” to us as they drove by, and then simulated kissing each other, with the adult laughing the entire time. I felt humiliated and angry. Believe me, I don’t play up being a victim or try to be one, but there is a lot of cruelty in this world directed at those of us who just want to love who we love. I hope that these letters help you to have a better understanding of me, and others within my gay community. Peace.

6. Jonathan Says:
   March 10th, 2006 at 3:46 pm

   One of my best friends committed suicide shortly after we both graduated from high school. Several months before, he had shared with his parents that he felt like he had same sex attractions. When he first told them, they tried several different avenues to correct the “sin problem” in his life, including counseling with a pastor on staff at our church and a Christian therapist in our church who specialized in sexuality issues. When my friend admitted that he was still struggling with same sex attractions and couldn’t seem to overcome it, his parents, after counciling with a pastor in the area, kicked him out of their house and lives believing that this would be the impetus for real change…if he wanted it (some kind of tough love therapy).

   Two months later he stuck the barrel of a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. He had not spoken to his mom (tough love you know) since he had been kicked out. She was devastated, as was his dad. So were those of us who were close to him. His parents are now divorced and both of them are very bitter towards God and the church feeling like they might still have had their son around (even if they didn’t agree) had not they followed the teachings of the Church.

   The last conversation I had with my friend’s mom, she told me that someone had located his journals and that she had read them. Apparently, she had always assumed that he was sexually active, but after reading his journal’s she realized that he was still a virgin when he died. His goodbye letter said that because he was hated by the people he loved the most (God, Church, Parents), that he could no longer see a reason to live.

   I hate the word victim! His mother hates God and church people because she feels, rightly so, that they not only made her son feel like a victim, but they made her a victim as well.

   John 3:17 says: “For I did not come to condemn the world, but that the world through me might be saved.” Apparently all too many Christians have decided that Christ delegated the condemnation message to them.

   j.

7. Robert Bayn Says:
   March 11th, 2006 at 3:45 am

   I grew up in church all my life, and when i came out of the closet when i was 20, i lost most of my friends because of it, friends that said they loved me, no longer loved me because i was different, the agape love they claimed to have, was shut off in a instance.

   About two years ago, i decided to try to go to church again, so i went to my sisters church. During the sermon the pastor said “can you beleive it folks, they have a fag cartoon”. Afterwards i confronted the assistant pastor, where he tried to tell me “fag” is in the bible, i told him it was not, and that i have no problem being gay, he than told me, than this is not the church for you, i told him, “your right it’s not, it’s not the church for anyone”.

8. Mackenzie Says:
   March 13th, 2006 at 8:29 am

   I am leaving this about my friend Matt. The night after he came out, he heard something in his room and woke up. He saw his dad standing over him with a knife. When his dad realised he was awake, he started saying things about how he was a faggot and all, then moved toward him with the knife still up. Matt was, thankfully, able to fight him off, and now his dad has to go to therapy.