Speak Compassion

I have decided to start a series on this blog of tips everyday people can use to deal with conflict.  Today’s tip:

Conflict Tip #1:  You don’t have to like the person you have a conflict with and you do have to find a way to connect with their needs on a human level if you want to solve the conflict.

The real deal is that we don’t have to like the person with whom we are in conflict, but we do need to connect with what is alive for them if we want to solve the problem.  When we take into account that all behavior is needs driven, we realize that the best way to solve a conflict is to get to the needs behind the behavior that is not making our life wonderful.  Essentially, this means getting to the “why” behind someone’s actions.

The catch is this, when you start to see people for their human needs and not the strategies they are using to meet the needs, we can separate the person from the problem.   Make sure you are getting to human need and not a strategy!  Human needs are simple and we don’t really have that many.  Safety, security, shelter, food, rest, sustainability are just a few of the truly human needs we have.   When you can see the person you are in conflict with for their needs and their strategies separated, it is easier to see them for their humanity.

Come back tomorrow for the next conflict resolution tip!