I decided today that I don’t really care about Mormons or what they spend their money on. I just want to live without fear of discrimination in my life. I don’t really care if more or less blacks voted against me in this past election. I just want to live without fear of losing my job because I am gay. I don’t really care if Christian groups do or do not support my relationship with my partner, I would just like to know we are safe, legally protected and that my tax dollars are not being used against me or him and certainly not “us.”
I also don’t want to spend my time writing, protesting or speaking out for gay rights. I would like to go watch TV on the couch with my partner and the dogs. I don’t want to make signs anymore, or brainstorm the next protest chant. I don’t want to spend hours on the internet searching for the peer reviewed science that corrects the lies and research misused by you and your friends. I don’t want to spend hours at the State House waiting my turn to testify before a committee of men who behind close doors will laugh and call me, “Faggot” and let the bill to protect me die in committee. I would like to go have dinner and a movie, then sit with friends and enjoy life.
I can tell you that I am tired as hell and emotionally worn down over the years of lies and funny looks because I am gay. I am tired of the stereotypes, the misconceptions and the mothers shielding their children from me and my partner when I know deep in my heart, they would be safer with me than most other people. I am tired of worry about what neighborhood I choose to live in and if it is “safe” for people like me. I really just want to live my life in peace.
Sadly, the reality is that I need to muster up some energy and make some posters to head out to the protest on Saturday because no matter how much the bullies try to get me to fight, I refuse to fight. Fists never suited me or my style but don’t think for one precious minute that I am going to back down and let you push me around for another day. It is our time and we are tired of being shunned, abandoned and beat up. As Melissa said, “I am a giant” and will not be afraid, I will not back down and “you will not make me fall.” I will not cower and I will certainly never give up until all of us can be free to go be with the one we love without the fear of you and your version of god.
Give it your best shot! I have survived being bashed twice now. Go ahead, hit me, punch me, pass your amendments but don’t think for one minute you have stopped me or even weakened me because you would be mistaken. The arc of the universe does exactly what Martin said it does. It leans to the side of justice. I have seen it and I know it is true. I don’t just believe in the “beloved community”, I am part of the beloved community. I am the beloved community. We are all the beloved community.
What may surprise you is that I won’t gloat when we are finally free and safe from harm. I won’t rub it in your face. I instead will invite you to dinner and welcome you into my home like a long lost friend. I have not one ounce of hate in my bones. I don’t look down on you and I don’t think less of you. I feel sorry for you. I will always be sad for those who suffer at the hand of ignorance and live in the darkness of fear of their fellow man solely because they didn’t take the time to seek out the truth. I will still see you as my brother no matter what you do to me more because I refuse to see you though the dark and cloudy lens you are choosing to use to look at me.
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"Be the change you wish to see in the world"
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Martin Luther King Jr.
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