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Thursday, July 31, 2008

19 Yr. Old Boy Beaten in Liverpool, England in Vicious Hate Crime

by @ 11:23 am. Filed under Gay News, Hate Crimes, hate speech, Nonviolence

michael-causer-whiston.jpgMichael Causer, a 19-year-old teen was beaten viciously in what police are calling an anti-gay hate attack on Friday, July 25, 2008.   He remains in critical condition after requiring brain surgery as a result of the attack.   His family notes that Michael is a rather small kid who “wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

3 Suspects have been arrested in the crime and details of the attack should emerge with time.   In the meanwhile, my thoughts and hopes go out to Michael, his family and the community around him.   Hate crimes create victims far beyond those attack.   Now others in the community will live in fear of this happening to them.

Hat tip to Ex-Gay Watch.

Please join the facebook group in Support of this young lad!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Labels: self-fulfilling, destructive and dehumanizing

by @ 8:25 pm. Filed under Nonviolence, Nonviolent Communication

I report today with sadness, that a man walked into a church this week, shot and killed two people and wounded physically and emotionally, countless others.   He blames his actions on his frustration with the beliefs of others based on the labels and groupings they were given.  We use all sorts of labels to sort people into groups.  Words like liberal, conservative,  socialite, heathen, degenerate, good, bad, right, wrong, and reprobate are all words that stop us from seeing what is alive in others and ourselves.   Such labels disconnect us from seeing the human qualities in others because we are too busy seeing into what label category they will fall.  Rather than seeing the human beauty of any person, we see their label and carry with us the preconceived notions of what that label means to us.   We have assumed more about the person based on the label given to them, than we have taken the time to connect and find out in truth.   Such labels are great and telling people what we think they “are” but do little to meet anyone’s needs or bring anything alive in them, out of them.

Often these labels we put on people become prophecies.    We label our children as “difficult learners” and what do you know?  They become that.   We call some people “under-achievers” and they become the label given.  No point in proving the label wrong is there?  Why would any child want to become more when we started off calling them “learning disabled.”  Essentially, we have pre-programed the child to believe about themselves that they cannot learn.

We do the same sort of stuff in this thing labeled the “culture war.”   In most of my dealings with those on the opposing side of this culture war, I am referred to by a variety of names.  None of which really has anything to do with me, but more to do with what other people (mainly those calling me these names) “THINK” of me.   I am learning that telling people what we “think” of them does little to meet anyone’s needs.   It doesn’t tell us what they are needing and it doesn’t tell them what we are needing.   So what does it do?   It morally judges them.  That is it.   Labels are just a way of morally judging others.

It goes both ways too!   We can say that so and so was a good man, but all we are going it saying what we think he was.   We made another moral judgment of this person.    We can say that little Johnny is a “well-behaved boy” but telling him what we think he is does little to meet his needs as a human.

Clinical psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, notes that every behavior we have, everything we do is in service of meeting our needs.   Regardless what they need is, every action we take is to meet a need.   He also notes that every feeling we have is caused by our needs being met or not met.   We are happy when our needs are met and we are unhappy when our needs are not met.    Once we discover this, a beautiful world opens up.   We can suddenly ask ourselves what need is being met by our actions.   What feeling are we having and what has been met or not met to cause this feeling.

When we realize that our feelings are caused by our needs being met or not met, we also realize that other people are never the cause of our feelings.   No one “made us” feel the way we do.  We own and can take responsibility for our own feelings.    If I am feeling sad and needing connection with others, it is my need that makes me sad not that others are bad people who don’t love me.   If I am feeling energized by reading a book I like, it isn’t the book that made me happy.   It is my need to learn being met.   I could gain the same feeling by reading a different book that again meets my need to learn.

If we shift the world away from these labels we put on people and shifted towards seeing people’s feelings and needs, then we can start connecting with others.  Seeing them as humans not “things.”   It is easier to see someone as a person, not a liberal or conservative.   It is easier to see someone as a human not a reprobate or a saved christian.   We see people for “who” they are rather than “what” they are and with that we see the beauty that makes us human.  It also means we would have people whose needs are met.   People’s whose needs are met don’t tend to go around shooting people.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

More Christian Fan Mail

by @ 10:02 pm. Filed under hate speech, Nonviolence

It has been awhile since I have written about Mark over at Chester Street.   I am only doing it today because I see a great teaching opportunity for the message the I mainly promote here on this site.  That would be peace.

Mark writes a long tirade that jumps from not supporting a Christian Father to use god as a therapist to how I am a threat to American Families to why incest in not supported.   The gamut of things covered in his post is more than I am going to acknowledge.  I am going to touch on on a few key points Mark has made.

I do hear that Mark may be angry and would value more respect from me to this father’s religious beliefs.    I also hear that he is doubtful that I really care about tolerance and diversity and would like some clarity that tolerance is really one of my values.    I can’t do much to change those things, but I did want to acknowledge that I hear Mark. Should he request something of me to fill his needs for clarity and respect, I would try to accommodate that.

Mark writes:

To claim a Father is “damaging” their child because they remain faithful to God’s word (The Truth) regarding homosexuality and sexual boundaries, is clear evidence just how far you desire to persecute those that disagree with you – all under the phony guise of “tolerance”.

Mark is referring to an earlier post where I suggested strongly that a Christian father get their stepson some professional clinical help.  My issue with this statement of reply from Mark is that “god” hasn’t got much of a record when parents choose him for a doctor.   In recent years, how many children with treatable, if not curable diseases, died while their parents waited for god to answer their prayers.  I am sticking with science here.   God hasn’t much of a reputation for answering prayers.   Most prayers or medical miracles end up being things they could have healed themself anyway.   We never hear of war vets growing back a limb despite the prayers.  We instead hear of ironic miracles where one person survives a plane crash where dozens were killed and their survival is a miracle.  What about those that died?

When it comes to the well being and safety of children, I want proven science to help.  God doesn’t have enough of a reputation for being helpful for me to want him involved.

Next Mark continues:

You and all the “likes” of your poisonous logic are indeed a threat to every American family. It did not go unnoticed you purposely wrote good intentions – why? because the word “good” is relative in your world – not objective. When the Truth is dependent upon the person holding the belief, anything can become “true”. This would be absurd to most folks, but very convenient for you.

All in one post Mark has stated all the things that I am.  I am a reprobate and a threat to the American Family.  Mark has done an amazing job at telling the world what he thinks I am, but I am not sure what benefit this serves to tell people what they are.   Who is Mark to tell me who I am or what I am.   How does this awaken in me a desire to do anything for Mark or even talk with Mark?   What good came of Mark telling me “what” he thinks I am.

Mark goes on after that to address incest and make a challenge to me I have no interest or reason to respond at this time.   I don’t know about incest.  I haven’t read much about it and I am not going to.   I might have some thought on it, but I am not going to respond to his “demands” to do anything.  Had Mark thought to make a clear request of me to do something, I might have considered it, but like most people I am not giving in to demands or challenges.  FInd someone else for that.

You can read Mark’s post over at his site and the other posts here in the archive.   I am not going to go any further than I have with this.   I really don’t want Mark to have anymore attention then he gets.

New State, New Apartment and New Things To Learn

by @ 11:38 am. Filed under Joe's Rants

It is official.  I have left Rhode Island and my beautiful home has been sold.   I now live in New Haven, Connecticut in a cute but humble apartment not far from the Scientology headquarters.  Has that for ironic?

This move was stressful and has some remaining challenges, but overall I have enjoyed this change.   Change is always stressful to some degree because we leave our comfort zones and now are forced to create new comfort zones.   I do feel liberated that I don’t have a huge house to clean and maintain.  I have a small place that allows me more time to do other things.   I am still a bit shocked by a few things, like my lack of a dishwasher and I now need to go to a laundry mat, but I also see those things as new opportunities to break away from the norms of life and simplify.    As I have said before, I would like to live simply so others can simply live.

My partner and I did stop off in Mass before leaving Rhode Island so we could get legally married.  Here in CT, this will only be seen as a civil union, but that is all legal mumbo jumbo that gets us health benefits.   The real heart and soul of our marriage is the commitment we have made to be partners in the journey of life.   We have done well at that.   Despite this move being difficult, we have been energized by the fact we have done this together.   I was feeling scared of this move, but it allows my partner to take a great job that he really wanted.   I am happy to have supported that.

Regular updates here at the blog will return as I get more settled.  Right now, I need to go look for a job!

Monday, July 21, 2008

New Comments from Roy.

by @ 7:33 pm. Filed under Nonviolence, Nonviolent Communication

Roy, I am posting your story about your step son.  I hope that the readers here will have compassion for you and even more for your step son.   I am deeply concerned about him and what damage your “good intentions” could have for him.   I urge you to take him to see a licensed, clinician and get him some real help.

Here is Roy’s original comment,  Please reply with compassion, empathy and love.

Roy writes:

I apologize for the way and words I used in my comment.Yes I am angry but I do not hate gays.Its the spirit that I hate.I have known since I met my wife 2 years ago that her son is gay. I knew it at first glance.It took awhile for me to convince her of it and after catching him on dozens of gay sex positions websites that were fantasy creatures she now knows the truth.I use to not believe in God until 1998 but something happened in my life that took me into a dark place that was beyond description.All I wanted to do is die to escape the pain within.I did something I swore I would never do.I turned to God.It took years to grow in me because of my old way of thinking.Im 54 years old.It takes awhile to change so many years of thinking but I persisted and in my growing I realized I could sense spirits good and bad.It is like a magnet that pushes away from itself.I dont have to know you but stand beside you to sense good or bad spirits.I know from the replys to my comment that this sounds like sci-fi to you since you dont believe in God.Having said that Ill get back to my step son.He is 16 years old, extremly inteligent but he is torn apart inside.He isolates himself.He has no friends.Hes afraid of every thing.He has no passion or ambition or dreams.He doesn,t listen to music or care for cell phones.His life is basicaly empty.I know for a fact that he is fighting with a spirit of perversion and hes fighting it because of it being against the way we were designed,not because he has been tought that its wrong or from other sources.I love my son and no matter what choice he makes I,ll still love him but I will never stop tring to help him escape from this evil spirit that carries many spirits with it such as deception that keeps you from seeing the truth and excepting this as normal.You compared yourself to an animal by saying that their same sex behavior is normal, so it must be right for you too.Where do you think that kind of thinking comes from? You have given in to this same sex spirit because you couldn,t beat it with out God in your life.You can claim it normal until hell freezes over which it wont but you know deep inside of you that its wrong and against nature.All of us that makes wrong choices including myself will usually try to justify by dening or blameing or just simply give up on fighting and give in to what is wrong for us and to others.I did come on too strong in my comment and I was wrong for that.I know that spirits are hard to beat especially the gay spirit.I also know its easier to give in than it is to fight.What you started out to know was wrong has become a life style that you think is normal.If you rely on the quacks of science or man in general to convince you that they have the answer for all the world to know,well its just another source of deception that people looking for justification for what they know is wrong.Trying to prove nature is wrong.The law of gravity says if you jump off a cliff you will definitly fall down.How can you not think that there are natural forces and laws that are seen and unseen?Stop thinking with your gay spirit which will be hard to do and you,ll see the unseen.It isnt me that wants you to think my way, its simply a spirit that wants true peace for all of us.Its you that wants the world to except unnatural acts which will never happen.I am against violence for gay people but as I said,”breaking laws of nature has its price to pay.I have a battle to fight with the spirit in my son and with Gods help we will win.Im sorry you are lost to this choice of sin that you choose.As in Sodom you will be destroyed and punished for your choice and tring to convince our children that you are normal.God said” that you are an abomination to him meaning you disgust him and are an insult to his creation.
The many things that gays have in common is they are against Gods existance or are angry at Him.All evil forces are against God.Why is it that you dont believe in God?Could it be denial as I was in when I use to say there is no God?Even when I use to say that, I could feel something tug at me as I know you do.Yes I know more about nature than you do, that is obvious.Try one little prayer such as “God open my eyes to the truth.It starts with one step.I know Joe that you are lost.Your reply to me in all you said proves you and all that believe like you are still but even more a threat to family morals and our children by putting out a message that you are normal and society is wrong for not condoning your bahavior.A lot of the public is in your favor and this makes you all the more the threat but none the less,good will overcome.AS I said Its not you that I hate and remember that we are not like animals.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Compassion and Hate Mail from Christians (updated)!

by @ 9:39 pm. Filed under hate speech, Nonviolent Communication

I got a rather heated and passionate comment here on the site and I wanted to do my best to reply with the most amount of compassion that I could.  I do not believe responding in hate to hate is helpful, compassion to others is helpful, so here goes (my replies are in blue):

Roy Martin |

Any thing that goes against the laws of nature has negative consiquences.All of you gay people think you have the right to infest your evil sex acts and desease on society.

Well, Roy, you did a good job at telling us what we think, but you have to admit you don’t really know what we think.  It does sound like you are concerned for safety and needing to know that you are safe from disease.  I can tell you that you are safe.

You say you were born that way but God did not create gay people.It is an evil spirit and you make the choice to except it just as drug users and murderers and child molesters do.They all have an excuse just as you do.

Roy, when I see you equate gays with evil, child molesters and murderers, I feel sad and angry.  I need to be seen as authentic and real.   I would never wish harm on a child, nor as a follower of nonviolence would I kill or harm another.  It just isn’t in my values.   I need for you to see me as transparent and human, because I am.  Please let me know how I am can bring that compassion out of you.

You get angry at people and society if we bash your unnatural acts.If we except gay as normal then whats wrong with having sex with animals and children even our own daughters and sons.

Here Roy, you have gone down the slippery slope trail.  I am not attracted to members of the opposite sex.  I am attracted to member of the same sex.  That doesn’t include relatives or children and certainly not animals.    I just don’t have any attraction to the opposite sex and I never have.  I do have an attraction to the same sex.  With that said, I found a nice guy and we have been together for 8 years.

We can say we were born that way.If we except gay rights then it will be only a matter of time that all of these evil things that are against our design and laws of nature will be rampant on this earth.

Roy, if I read your words correctly, it sounds like you are concerned and afraid that if society accept gays and lesbians that the safety of the future is at risk.   I am inspired by your need for safety for all.  I hear your need for laws that protect us, all.  I can only say that we gays and lesbians wish for the sane safety for this earth.

Its not your fault that this evil unclean spirit came into you but its your fault to choose to keep it.

I feel uneasy here Roy, as I don’t believe in spirits, but I also DO believe in science and research.  So far, we understand that having same sex attractions is normal and natural.  Many animals in the world, including humans have same sex attractions.   It isn’t a choice.   Many gays and lesbians tried with all their might to change and couldn’t.   I would request that you explore those stories and see the humanity in the struggles.  We are not talking about monsters or demons, but people.

You know good and well its wrong and perverted to no end.

Actually, no.   I don’t know that nor do I agree with it.  I think these labels of wrong and right are dangerous and promote violence.   We all know what the TV taught us, that the guys who are wrong suffer without any acknowledgement of their humanity.   I hope you are able to see this lable process of words we use is hurting more people than it helps.

You also know and believe in right and wrong.

 No, I don’t.  I did until I learned that this are just labels we use to put people into boxes that lead to violence.  I stop when I learned that.   Now I have replaced those terms with new words that remove the “deserve” language and replace it with needs met or not meet.  It promotes less violence.

I also believe that you probably dont believe in God but im willing to bet you believe that you believe there is a satan.

Nope, I don’t.   So don’t bet much, you lose.  I don’t believe in supernatural stuff at all.  No ghosts, no spirits, no gods , no demons.   I just don’t buy into it.

Your anger really isnt against people like me.

Anger, I have none.   I am not angry Roy, I am worried and concerned that we are on a path that will bring us all down in the name of gods who do not exist. I see the evidence everyday as well kill, discriminate and treat others like crap in the name of gods we cannot prove exist.

Its against yourself for the fact that you are weak and pathetic and an insult to all that is good and natural.

I was sad when I read these words.  You did a good job of telling me “what” I am, but you have never met me.   Would it not have been more productive to tell me what you feel and need?  How can I meet your needs or make changes in the world if you have told me what you think I am rather than what you need and feel?  Try again, I will listen.

Stop looking at those against you and look at yourself.

Roy, I have spent a lifetime of 40 years looking at myself.  Did you really think you could change anything I have learned or concluded with one comment on my blog, that calls me names and tells me I am evil, perverted, weak and pathetic.  Why would I listen to anything you have to say when all you do is call me names and insult me?  If you want to reach gays and lesbians with a message from god, you might want to start by speaking in words that make them want to listen rather than words that make then want to ignore you.  Just a suggestion.

Your the one that wimps out to bad choice not us.

So, it sounds like you would like us to make choices that agree with you?  Do I have that correct?

I have children that need to be protected from you and your kind including any one that thinks its normal.

I am sad to hear you believe this, but It sounds like there isn’t much I can say to change your mind.  I can tell you I have a big family and they don’t share your belief that anyone needs to be protected from me or people like me.   I am disappointed you feel this way, that is why they call it homophobia.  It means people are scared of gay people and feel they need protection.  People like James Dobson, Peter LaBarbera, Stacy Harp and Matt Barber have put that fear into you that you feel you need protection from people like me or my kind.   I bet if you spent a day with me, you would learn that isn’t true.  I invite you to spend a day with me and my partner.  You will learn that isn’t true.

You are a disgrace to man kind and God and our children and schools and family morals.

Gee Thanks, I guess.  You have done a great job at judging people like me and telling us “what” we are by calling us a disgrace to man kind, but how is that helping anyone to tell them “what” they are?  I would feel so much more confident if you would tell us what you are requesting of us rather than the moral judgments of what you think we are.   I believe telling us what you want, feel and need will be more productive then your judgments of what we are.

I hope I answered your concerns Roy, and stayed respectful of your beliefs.   Please feel free to comment again.


-Joe Brummer,

Writer and Owner of Replace the lies with Truth

You can read the original comment here

UPDATES:  Roy has returned and left lots of comments.  I don’t have time to answer them now, but I will over the next few days.  I have been without cable or internet, so it won’t be till I have the new hook ups.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Marshall Rosenberg on Nonviolent Communication ~ NVC

by @ 8:10 am. Filed under Nonviolent Communication

In an effort to help promote NVC, I ask that you leave a comment on the YouTube website about this video.  The idea is that it will raise it in the ranks so more people become exposed to the process of Nonviolent Communication.   I would ask that you add this video to your blogs as well and ask your readers to also comment on the video.

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