What I enjoyed about this video is that it didn’t come from Fox or CNN, it came from a science organization in England. This isn’t rhetoric from American new agencies but opinions from people who actually study this stuff.  I will say my line again….if by socialist, you mean I believe in people over profits than yes, call me that. In fact call me whatever you want just stop spending your billions while people suffer.  You don’t need a flat screen in your bathroom while millions of people don’t have a bathroom.

I over heard this young man who worked at Walmart talking to his fellow cashiers about who he got a deal buying this gold watch and gold pendant that was bigger than my whole hand for $1000 dollars. He was just gleeful in his good fortune of getting such a deal on these fashion items…I felt sad hearing him talk as he was so young.  I thought, he could have put that into a savings account or used it towards going to school so he could get a better job than cashier at Walmart. He could have put it towards his retirement or savings for his own child’s college education.  He could have used it to do so many things and yet the gold sits on his neck and he doesn’t realize just how much it is weighing him down….yet.

I agree with whoever it is that made the statement that it will not be until the last drop of water is gone and the last piece of bread has been eaten that folks will finally get it…you cannot eat money or gold.

WATCH

I have always been a bit annoyed on some level when I see people going to great lengths to promote the idea of peace in the middle east, peace in other countries, even world peace and yet those same people do little or nothing to foster peace in their own backyards.  I mediate with groups of kids more often than I would like, who have been arrested in their schools for fighting, even all out brawls of kids fighting.  They get arrested, expelled from schools so they won’t get educations and the bloodlines of poverty continue. When these young adults come to me, they carry in charges like assault or breech of peace.  Many are in hearings to be expelled from school.   In most of the cases I have done, the fights come from petty he said/she said arguments that kids just haven’t been taught to manage.  We fail our kids for each day that goes by and we don’t teach them the skills they need to manage conflict with others. We fail them even further when we punish them for our failures rather than restoring them and the community by teaching them, counseling them and giving them the tools they needs to succeed.

From this, I hope you can understand my frustration when I see this group waste a whole Saturday on the side of the road with signs for peace when I know they could have spent the day mentoring kids, volunteering at the local community center or offering to babysit for a single mom who needs child care so her kids don’t grow up in poverty.  They could have spent the same Saturday taking some inner city youth hiking in the woods, or to clean up the parks where the adults left their trash.  Perhaps they could have volunteer to be the ones that teach these kids conflict skills so they stop killing each other.

I understand they want to express their passion for peace and I want them to know, it takes more than passion to have peace.  Eleanor Roosevelt said once, “It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.”  Not sure I could get this message across to others any more clearly than she did.

When it comes down to words, moral is a tough one.  It is up there with words like good, bad, right, wrong, truth, lie, terrorist or freedom fighter.  All of these words are subjective to one’s own beliefs.  We can never truly have the moral leader unless everyone agrees with a universal definition of moral and that will never happen.  We also don’t have definitions or clear guidelines with words like right, wrong, good, bad, etc.  All of these words change by person, time, or place.  What is right for some isn’t right for all.  What is moral to some is immoral to others.  One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, right?  Who gets to make these calls?

These words are really just a part of our language that stems from our system of punishment and reward.  Those that are good, right, or moral deserve reward and those who are bad, wrong or immoral deserve punishment or pity.  The issue remains that these things are arbitrary and get us no closer to what is really going on with people or ourselves or how to meet their real human needs.  Sadly, these system are the source of much of the violence on our planet that I wish to change.

I get what Rep. Lewis is saying and yet I disagree with his strategy to meet the need.  In the past, we have had leaders like King, Gandhi, Chavez, and others who are my hero’s in life and yet not everyone agreed they were moral, truthful, or right.  The lines between what is right or wrong, what is good or bad, what is moral or immoral are a bit thin and at best, shaky.  How can we have a moral leader if we can’t even decide what is moral?  Who would he lead but those who agree with his version of moral?  I believe a leader has to lead everyone not just those who agree with him.

I propose we stop thinking in terms that don’t work for all of us and start looking at things more universal to all of us.  Lets start thinking about what connects us rather than what put us into boxes based on what we deserve, like good or bad, right or wrong, moral or immoral.  All of these terms are just code for what we think people deserve.  Let’s start thinking in terms of universal human needs!

Human needs cross all the barriers whether it be race, age, religion, sexual orientation, or culture.  All humans have the same needs.  Why not evaluate things based on how well they are meeting universal human needs rather than what we think people deserve.  I might say to Mr. Lewis, stop caring about “WHAT” people “ARE” like moral or immoral, good or bad, right or wrong since those thing are so fuzzy and start thinking in terms of how those same people’s universal human needs are being met or not met.

When you really stop and think about it, there are no human needs that are negative or positive needs.  It is hard to think of food, shelter, creativity, safety, spirituality or rest as positive or negative, good or bad.   They just are, right?  So if, like psychology says, we are all just out to meet our needs, then there are no actions that are negative or positive if we evaluate how well they meet human needs.  In simple terms, even if the strategy you chose wasn’t effective, the goal was to meet a human need.  There were other choices, strategies that could have been chosen that could meet the same need at less cost to others.

The thing about needs is that psychologist have been telling us for decades that all human behavior is in the service of needs, yet we live in a society that tells us having needs is weak or too touchy or mushy.   How do we live past the contradiction  of what our language allows and what science has discovered to work?  How do we get back in touch with our human authentic selves?

I know Rep. Lewis wants the same things I want….human needs met.  I bet he wants his needs for harmony and peace met.  I bet he also wants his needs for congruency with his faith met too! I bet he would like his need for respect for life to be met.   I can respect those needs because I have them too, we all do!  That is what connects us as humans, our needs!  We can understand each other much better when we see that we are all after the same things…..getting our needs met…

Again, I ask you to stop looking for a moral leader and look for a leader who can understand what will really meet human needs and open to all the strategies available to do that.  I ask that we stop looking for people to do the right thing (assuming we can get past the arbitrary right or wrong) and look to do what contributes to human needs being met.  Stop worrying if our actions are  aligned with a political party or church and ask to these actions contribute to life?  Do they meet universal human needs?

This article I found at Huffington Post makes some great obeservations about nonviolence in the bible.  I think more Christians who are happy to promote the idea of god’s army would take a look the other side of the coin!!

Read on…..The Easter Message of Nonviolence

Here in Connecticut, we will be showing the film at the Sheffield Auditorium - First Congregational Church, Old Lyme.  We are asking for a donation at the door as this is a fundraiser for the Afghan Youth Peace Volunteers.  We also ask that you bring your own snacks.  We will provide the beverages.

Hosted by Spectrum: Arts and Education for Peace, CT Network of Spiritual Progressives and CT Nonviolent Communication

Here is a sample of the film:

“What is this kind of love? It appears to me that Jesus and Gandhi and those of us following their tradition through the practice of NVC think of love as the full radical acceptance of the humanity of every person, regardless of how unhappy we are with the results of their actions. This love is a commitment to act in ways that uphold that humanity; to care for the wellbeing of the other person even when we are in opposing positions; even when all that we value is at stake.”  ~Miki Kashtan, Co-founder of Bay Area Nonviolent Communication

Of course, part of his campaign platform is based on his opposition to equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and anyone else who doesn’t fit into his view of pro-family.  I couldn’t help but think wow, this is such a great opportunity for some creative nonviolence in action.  The possibilities of how to turn this into something more positive are endless.  For starters, any actions taken needs to respect Mr. LaBarbera’s humanity regardless of how he sees us as GLBT citizens.  Attacking the message is really all that’s needed here.  Mr. LaBarbera does have children and I have no desire for those kids to see hurtful stuff in the news about their dad. It is not the kids’ fault their dad chooses to be so outspoken against GLBT folks.

At the end of the day, Peter and I share some of the same human values.  We both care about family, security, spirituality, stability for our country, and many other things.  Where we differ is on the strategies to meet those human needs.  I personally don’t ever want to lose sight of this in others regardless if they are unable or unwilling to see it in me.

Back to my idea, I love the idea of turning his campaign into a pro-GLBT event.  Here are some of my ideas of how to make it work:

- Let’s hold a LaBarberathon…..we could raise money for GLBT youth by collecting donations for everyday he stays in the race or how about we get people to donate $5 for every time he says “homosexual agenda” in a speech.

- We could do a silent protest of all his campaign events, press conferences and speeches while carrying signs with some of his more colorful quotes about GLBT folks and just refusing to talk (tribute to a Day of Silence). When people ask protesters to speak they can hand out cards that say why they are remaining silent.  I think many would find that the mean-spirited things he has said about gays and lesbians don’t match up with the picture they know to be true from their GLBT friends, relatives, co-workers, etc.   While he makes us out as monsters he also hurts and offends those with connections to the gay community.   Bring his words into the light of day.

- We could also start a Political Action Committee and call it “Leatherman for LaBarbera” and collect money for his opponent.

I bet many ideas are out there about how to use creative nonviolence to address Mr. LaBarbera’s campaign against GLBT folks.  Below is the list of what creative nonviolence is from the peace site, Pace e Bene.

Principles of Creative Nonviolence

• Creative Nonviolence acknowledges, repairs, and transforms the infinite relatedness and unity of all life.
• Injustice depends on either active or passive support (resulting from silence, indifference or fear). Violence is any personal, interpersonal, institutional or systemic act, attitude or policy that dehumanizes, diminishes or destroys. It thrives by passive or active support. Creative nonviolence is the process of transforming this support for injustice by mobilizing and unleashing nonviolent people power.
• Each of us has a piece of the truth and the un-truth. Creative Nonviolence is a process of acknowledging and revealing the pieces of truth and untruth on both sides in a conflict as the basis for a just and constructive solution. Creative Nonviolence seeks the truth rather than the conquest of one side over another.
• Creative Nonviolence is the process of transforming Us vs. Them thought and action.
• Creative nonviolence unifies rather than threatens; integrates rather than fragments and destroys; draws us closer rather than excluding and separating; and challenges all double standards.
• Creative Nonviolence recognizes that each of us has tendencies toward both violence and love. It maintains, as Alexander Solzhenitsyn put it, “The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” Each of us has only a piece of the truth, and therefore each of us possesses a piece of the un-truth. Creative nonviolence fails when it is arrogant or self-righteous, especially when it claims to be free of violence, or when it asserts that only others are violent.
• Creative Nonviolence is stronger than the Power of Violence, which is a destructive force designed to defeat and dominate others and that often seeks to separate “us” from “them.” Creative Nonviolence, for this reason, disputes the claim that violence establishes peace, justice and order in any just and lasting way.
• Creative Nonviolence pursues its goal, not with passivity or retaliation, but with creative engagement and loving resistance. It willingly faces the consequences of its engagement and resistance.
• Creative Nonviolence is nurtured and strengthened by community, relationship-building, ongoing education, and practice. It requires training and experience in love, courage, creativity, and relentless persistence. This includes examining and transforming the ways that violence and injustice has been consciously or unconsciously internalized.
• Creative Nonviolence is not a path toward an idealistic utopia but a process for envisioning, weaving, mending, and honoring the web of personal, interpersonal, social, global and ecological relationships. The spirit and methods of Creative Nonviolence are suited to this ongoing creation and re-creation of the world.

Layard writes:

For we are born with a strongly social side to our nature (a homo empathicus), as well as a profoundly selfish side. By the age of two many children will run and comfort another child who is hurt. We are wired up for fellow feeling — when subjects in an experiment watch others put their hands in icy water, their own temperature falls.

Read the article here.

April 16, 2010 - 32 Elm St. New Haven, CT
9:00AM - 4:00PM

Transform conflict in your home, workplace, school and in your community

Based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg and the Center for Nonviolent Communication

Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people. We express our feelings in terms of what another person has “done to us,” instead of taking responsibility for our feelings independent of another person. We struggle to understand our own needs in the moment, or to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats, or coercion. At best, communicating and thinking this way can create misunderstanding and frustration. And still worse, it can lead to anger, depression, and even emotional or physical violence.

Through a combination of lecture, group work, video and role plays, we will examine the thinking, language, and moralistic judgments that keep us from managing the conflicts in our lives. We will explore the 4-Part NVC process and how it can be used to express ourselves in ways people can hear without judgment or raising defenses. We will also explore news ways to hear what others are saying so we don’t hear blame or judgment of us. You’ll start to manage conflicts with more easily, request what you want without using demands and begin to strengthen your personal and professional relationships.

To Register:
Register Online at www.community-mediation.org or mail check or money order to: 32 Elm Street, New Haven, CT 06510. (Checks should be made payable to Community Mediation, Inc.) Registration is open to the public. Seating is limited. The requested fee for this training is $89.00 per person and includes lunch and materials. A selection of NVC books will be available for purchase at the workshop via cash or check. The deadline for registration is April 12, 2010. Questions, please call (203) 782-3500.

About the Presenter:
Twice the victim of violent crimes, Joe Brummer has spent years exploring why people commit acts of violence against others. He has studied nonviolence, conflict resolution and clocked hundreds of hours at the mediation table. He has worked with the Institute for the Study and Practice of Nonviolence to bring nonviolence to youth in schools, trained with the Community Mediation Center of RI and serves on their Juvenile Restorative Justice Advisory Board. In the winter 2008, Joe attended the International Intensive Training on Nonviolent Communication. He has presented on NVC at national conventions, universities and private organizations across New England. Joe is the Connecticut representative for New England NVC. View his website at www.speakcompassion.com

Sponsered by Community Mediation, Inc.

Another clip:

As active participants of this [civil rights] movement, we can and should challenge tactics, strategies, rhetoric, and leadership. Both ours and our opposition’s. However, there’s no reason to turn it personal. As people who come with all of the trappings that are laid upon us as humans, we’ll naturally have our own interpersonal whatnots with each other. But for the sake of the movement, we should strive to disconnect the two. The message is what matters.

~Jeremy Hooper.

Remember, Peace on Earth is not just for Christmas anymore!

-You can buy a person who is homeless some lunch!

-Volunteer at a shelter even if it is just one or two days a month.

-If you can think of nothing else, when you walk by them on the street, say “hello” and smile rather than pretending you don’t see them.  They see you.

This is a great story about a woman in Philly who is helping homeless men regain their self-confidence by getting them to go running.  She gave up a dream job in communications to go out there and make a difference.  I am inspired to watch this story.

For eight years, Dan de Vaul has operated a residential sobriety program on his sprawling 72-acre ranch in San Luis Obispo. While many formerly homeless addicts credit de Vaul with their sobriety, he was arrested today for building code violations that violated the terms of his probation. Should de Vaul be praised for his efforts to house the homeless or punished for doing so illegally?

Pictured after the jump, the residential facilities on de Vaul’s ranch were a mix of trailers, tents, garden sheds, and old converted houses and barns. The LA Times reported that De Vaul has received numerous orders to shut down the center, kick out the residents, and clean up his property. Yet, as soon as the authorities go away, he lets the sober-living clients back in.

Call it a blatant disregard for the law? Or an unapologetic desire to do what he believes is right?

Either way, de Vaul’s defiance has landed him in prison. Two months ago, a jury convicted him of two misdemeanor building code violations. He was sentenced to probation, under which he could not break any laws. Since he again refused to displace the residents of his sobriety program, he was arrested and sentenced to prison for 90 days.

“I’m proud to go to jail for housing the homeless,” he told reporters.