Beautifully written,
Lisa

Why with just a little editing it would be completely NVC, but the spirit is truly there.

Warmly,
Pan

Actually Robert, I addressed those issues here in a post called: “Can we talk about the word Bigot?” You can read it here

So where is the injustice is what I think Gandhi would ask. Is the injustice that this man is ignoring the law by doing what he is doing or is the law ignoring him by doing what it is doing. I believe the latter of the two to be true. The state is ignoring the humanity of the situation in favor of paper laws. I would like to believe we as humans, when prompted by appropriate circumstances, will work to serve humans over laws.

In nature, competition (as I understand it from this book) isn’t the step on each other purposeful get ahead at the expense of others idea that Social Darwinism would say is natural. When a lion eats its prey, it is unlikely he thinks the prey deserved it for being weak. Social Darwinism would say the prey deserved it because it was weak, lazy, less than, etc. I perhaps worded my sentence poorly but that is what I was thinking when I wrote it.

But I do like to emphasise how pervasive co-operation is.

Looking forward to your review of the book.

1) What I find nice about separating people from problems, is that is allows you to really see what the problem is and how it can be solved. When we see people as the problem, it becomes personalized and individualized. In the case of your Grandmother, if she was really the problem, why is that problem still alive today? Answer: She wasn’t the problem or a bigot. She just didn’t know better. I truly believe if people knew better, they would do better. My father’s father was the same way. I cringed when I heard him use the “n” word. Yet, he was a very compassionate man who cared about others. I think, had he learned to do something different, he would have. I believe the same to be true of your Grandmother. If we see the “bigots” as the problem, we won’t ever address the real problems and those are ignorance and fear. If we don’t believe people will change, how will they ever believe they can change?

2)Those who hold prejudice teach it to their children. It won’t die out as you have stated. Prejudice, hate and bigotry will outlive you. It has been alive for years. The target groups change from century to century yet bigotry and fear have remained. Jews, Blacks, Irish, Italians, Native Americans, Gays and Lesbians and now today, Arabs and Mexicans. At one time or another, the groups suffering at the hands of bigotry and fear have changed, the fear doesn’t die off, it needs to be calmed and changed by those willing to face it head on. You can use military force to stop genocide but to end hate takes love. You can’t force, even by threat, others to change their beliefs. You can change those beliefs through listening, understanding and compassion. It takes time.

GLBT folks may get their rights in the courts, it will take time to change attitudes, calm fears and enlighten hearts so that we can truly see a different world.

In the end, I have seen that those with bigoted views are not dying off faster than they can reproduce. According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, they are growing in rapid numbers as hate groups are on the rise, including those who are anti-gay.

3) Compassion is better for you. I can feel the anger in your words. There is nothing compassionate about “fuck her” or “Fuck them” it is anger turned at people. Again, while your busy being angry at them, the problems still fester below because while your busy being angry at the people, the problems live on.

I have also learned that going around to groups and telling them my story of being bashed twice for being gay, telling them how I believe there is a better way and then teaching them what that is (nonviolence) has changed way more minds and hearts than I ever could by saying “fuck them they will die off anyway.”

To put it in perspective, YES, we all say stupid or intolerant things at times.

But those of us who truly strive toward tolerance and equality, when we say these things:

A. Say them in a group of like-minded individuals, who know that we are being brilliantly snarky/sarcastic/ironic. This is my specialty.

B. Say them, and are open to criticism when it’s suggested that we’re wrong.

But my suggestion here is that there is a segment of society which is not worth reaching. I’m not saying I want to deny their happiness. I want them to be as happy as they can be, while they live their sheltered, ignorant lives into the ground.

I remember, after my grandmother died, I had this argument with my mother, who was using the guilt factor on my brother and me (brother and I are agnostic):

She: “She didn’t question it, like you two. She just BELIEVED ON IT.”

Me: “Yeah, well, good for her.”

Grandmother was also a rank bigot who, after finding out I was gay, wrote an 8 page handwritten hate letter to me (FOR MY BIRTHDAY!), and who bitched and moaned about the gay pride parade in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Oh, also, she was not a fan of the niggers, I mean coloreds, I mean blacks.

So seriously, fuck her. And all people like her. They’re dying faster than their kind can reproduce. Why in the hell should we coddle them and spend our precious lives trying to find fucking “common ground” with them? Give me a goddamned break.

Fuck them.

Pure demographics say they’re going to be gone long before I am, unless a tidal wave takes me out.

Seriously, I’m 29, and I don’t know how old you are, but I am SO through. “They” might as well not exist in my country. We will move on without them.