Breaking Myths: The Uninvolved Father Makes Children Gay
For years I have read false research on the web that young boys “become” gay because they have a bad or detached relationship with their fathers. I can tell you, that is a myth not from research but from my life. My father has always been a big influence on me. I was so proud when I recently went to South Carolina and my 17 year old niece told me I was just like “pop-pop”. She explained how I walked the same, slow and thoughtful, taking my time with the backpack and my camera on my neck at all times. I was thrilled to hear this. I have always admired my dad and to hear I have become anything close to him, is a blessing.
My dad has always been there for me. He went to the little league games and never mentioned that I didn’t hit the ball. He went to my school plays and paid for my piano lessons. In scouts, yes I was a cub scout and a boy scout, my dad was the cub master and a leader in the pack. He has always been there watching over me and never judged if I succeeded or not, just was there to guide me.
He helped me carve my pinewood derby cars for scouts, came to all my “events” at school, scouts, and music. When I wanted to promote my first band, he taught me computers and how to make flyer’s and ads for the papers to promote my shows. He even bought my first car, a 69 Ford Mustang coupe that spent more time in the shop than on the road. He helped me pay for that, and lent me his car while mine was sitting.
He never griped when I ask for the keys and never complained if I need a ride to something. He gave the best advice and he gave me my love for intellectual conversations about religion, politics and history. I was thrilled that after my trip to Virginia last year to visit for my brother’s wedding that someone took this picture outside my dad’s work at the science museum. Nothing says you are just like your dad more than this: (notice the hands on the hip, pretty funny but I love this pic. Hate how fat I have gotten but laughed with joy at how much dad and I even stand the same)
The first words out of my dad’s mouth when I sat him down all serious and said, “Dad, I need to tell you something important. I am gay.” His response was classic great dad. “so, when is dinner”
July 1st, 2007 at 10:52 pm
it is so nice to hear a healthy gay man speak up. thank you. I, too, feel that both my parents are my best friends in all the world. I wish you the best. thank you again for your strength in being you just the way you are.
July 1st, 2007 at 10:58 pm
you are so refreshing. thank you.
July 2nd, 2007 at 4:10 pm
I had a simalar experience with my dad. Growing up as one of four boys, we worked in our yard, did lots of household construction, used power tools, worked on cars, etc. My dad was also my scoutmaster and my weeklong Colorado canooing trips are still fond memories of great times with my dad. So even thought I can build stuff and work on my car, I somehow still turned out gay. Oh well, I never understood that whole theory anyway.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Joe-
Thanks for sharing your story! My relationship with my father is another example of how some people just don’t get it. Even though he traveled a great deal in ministry when I was growing up, we had an amazing relationship. At 18, because of pressure from my religious upbringing, I felt that I should get therapy because of my same sex attractions. He supported me AND took the requisite blame placed on him by my therapist. Even though he had always been a great dad, he tried to do even better. Watching him always strive to be the best dad has made me want to be the best parent I could be.
Even though the therapy didn’t have the desired result, his love and support continue to be strong. In fact, when I finally came out to him, he looked at me and said, with tears streaming down his face, “I’m proud of you!” I don’t think I could have had a better father! It really makes me incensed when certain people lay the blame (as if someone is to blame) on my parents. They’ve just celebrated 40 years of loving each other and loving their kids! We are their life (right behind God of course).
I feel sorry for those who wish to lay blame at my parents doorstep because they don’t deserve it! It has killed me to know that for a short time, they bought into that! Which just goes to show that they’ll do just about anything, make any sacrifice, for their kids.
Thanks again for sharing!
j.
July 4th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I thank all of you for sharing your stories. They have only reinforced my belief that our fathers (and mothers) had nothing to do with our being gay.
July 4th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Todd says he never understood the theory anyway. I think it stems from the perception that gay men are un-masculine. Distant fathers and overattentive mothers pussify the child and make him “womanly” so he turns to other men for sex.
It’s an adjunct of why they don’t want gays and lesbians adopting children. Two women “belittle the importance of fathers”, they say. They never come right out and say exactly what it is that a male parent would give to the child, because it’s really an attempt to enforce traditional gender roles.