“replace the lies with truth”

The family of the late Russell Groff have started a website about their son’s life and death.   The site is a blog describing the pain this family has experienced during the lawsuit with Russell’s partner Kevin Olive, who was sued by the Groff family after Kevin’s death appeared.   I won’t go into the details of that story, as I don’t know them.

What I do know, is that I wrote a post about how Peter LaBarbera was using this young man’s death and the subsequent lawsuit to further his own agenda.   I talked about the lawsuit and I asked my readers to support Kevin Olive’s legal attempts to keep his partner’s wishes.    You can read my original post here.

You will notice in my post, I mention nothing about Russell’s parents attending a gay pride event. Yet, in the article by Carolyn Groff, she accuses me of writing “stupid” comments about them attending a pride event.   To my knowledge, I have never written about these folks going to a pride event.  Carolyn Groff writes:

Your comments on the gay parade, we attended after our son died, was very stupid. You were not there, you only took the words of gay activists, who knew you would stretch the truth to fit the occasion. All you activists, just try to stir up trouble.

Again, to my knowledge, I have never written about these folks going to a pride event.   I did a search on my own blog and the years of writing for the term “Groff” and only two post show up.  The one I mention above and one where Adam mentions these folks.

I hear this mother is in pain.   I cannot even begin to imagine her pain at losing a son.   I am happy that she has found an outlet for that pain in writing.  I actually don’t mind too much that she is writing about me in negative ways if it meets her needs for attribution and release.  I do mind one comment made about me that left me feeling a little sad.

Carolyn Groff writes:

You may have a lot of writing experience, but we believe the content of your writing does not speak of very good characterization of a sensitive situation like this one.

It would seem to me, that you are a person, who doesn’t even care if he tells the truth, as with the Metro Pulse. We were slandered by this local liberal, gay newspaper.

For starters, what I hear her saying (regardless if I agree)  is that she feels dismayed reading my short article and would have liked me to be as sensitive to Russell’s family, as I was to his partner, Kevin Olive.   I also hear (again, regardless if I agree or not) that Carolyn feels angry because she believes I am someone who doesn’t care about the truth.   This saddens me as I value the truth.   I have spent many a late night writing and researching for the truth on this blog.   Find out who really said what, who really did what research listed by anti-gay advocates is peer-reviewed or validated.   My reasons for even writing this blog are because I value truth.   At anytime that I have posted something on this site that has been later revealed as incorrect, I have posted speedy retractions and apologies.    All because, Carolyn,  I very much care for the truth.

With that said, let it be said, I have no affiliation to Metro Pulse (nor am I that sure what it is but we’ll assume a paper) or have I written anything more about this family beyond my post regarding Peter LaBarbera.  I have also never had any contact with Kevin Olive.

I will invite Carolyn to contact me, I would be happy to chat with you about any concerns you may have about anything I have said or written.  Just as you have mentioned that I “…do not know the parents of this young man named Russell, you don’t realize how much pain and grief we have had to go through.” I would add you don’t know me either.

Learn more about this story, read Jeremy’s words over at G.A.Y (Good as You) as he actually knew Russell, where I did not.

Some guy, with what are being called “extreme Christian” views, has claimed that gays and lesbians should be executed because the bible is clear on that.    The remarks were made during a school debate of Federal candidates (it is unclear what office he running for).   David Popescu replied to a student asking his opinions on gay marriage by saying gays should be executed.

During a telephone interview later in the day, Popescu reasserted his view.

“A young man asked me what I think of homosexual marriages and I said I think homosexuals should be executed,” he said. “My whole reason for running is the Bible and the Bible couldn’t be more clear on that point.”

Why does it seem to me that hating gays is just fine as long as you claim God told you to do it……

UPDATE: After some thinking and reconsideration, I have decided to take my words back about this one.    I am not really sure if I think this is motivated by hate as much as it is fear of god.   I think this man truly wants to live by what he believes the bible says about the laws.    Funny enough, I would rather chuck it up to hate because I think that is fixable with understanding, empathy and information.   Fear of god, I am not sure I can do much to change that one.

H/T: PZ Myers

http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2008/10/03/3249
Arizona Needs Your Help

Remember the state that became the first in the nation to defeat a so-called “marriage amendment” in 2006? Arizona desperately needs your help today in 2008:

Supporters of a measure that would change Arizonaʼs constitution to ban gay marriage have raised $6.9 million, 17 times more than opponents have raised, according to figures released Thursday.

Arizona became the first state in the nation to defeat the so-called marriage amendment in 2006. Today, our opponents are furious that they lost, and they are pouring millions of dollars into the state to upset the will of the voters. They threatened and coerced the legislature to put this on the ballot because they didn’t want to spend the money to mount a petition campaign. In other words, there has not been a single Arizona voter who signed on to have this put on the ballot.  The legislatures actions amounted to a several hundred thousand dollar gift to put this on the ballot for free.

On the positive side, I firmly believe that Arizona is about to lose its distinction of being the only state to turn back one of these amendments — because this year California and Florida will have their own victories to add to the tally. And that will be reason for a huge celebration next month.

However, if things don’t change soon, then Arizona will lose something else: our historic 2006 victory. And if that happens, then the victories in Florida and California won’t be secure. If Arizona loses in 2008 what we won in 2006, our opponents will learn a very important lesson. If they don’t like the answer they got this year, all they have to do is come back again in a couple of years, spend millions of more dollars, and wear us down until they finally get what they want.

I am optimistic that we can defeat this proposed amendment in Arizona. Our internal polling shows that we don’t have to match our opponents dollar-for-dollar in funding. We don’t even have to come close. They’ve spend millions of dollars in the past two weeks, but the polling numbers haven’t budged by a single percentage point since we fielded our own poll last June. They’ve spent millions, the votes for their side haven’t budged one iota. Which means that so far, they’ve been wasting their millions.

Our internal polling also shows that there are huge numbers of “yes” voters who don’t believe that this proposed amendment is important. Our polling also shows that our message can not only sway large numbers of undecided voters, but “yes” voters as well. We know we can do this.

But we cannot actually change the vote until we get our message out to the voters. And television and radio ads cost a lot of money.

So we need your help. Please give as generously as you can. Because this has implications not just for Arizona, but for California and Florida as well. If we really want to secure our victories, it is imperative that we tell them that no really means no.

Otherwise, they’ll just come back again in a few more years in California and Florida.

Please give generously today.

I get asked often why I am so against religion.  This ten minute video really sums up my thoughts on those who believe in talking snakes and space men with H-bombs!

Link to video

H/T: Atheist Media Blog

In a recent post, I explained how a group of 24 men in Huntsville, Alabama were arrested for alleged sexual misconduct in a sex sting.   The mens’ pictures and names were then released to the public via press release by the police.   Sadly,  I had hoped we would not see a repeat of similar events that happened in Rhode Island, where such attempts to embarrass those arrested as a method of sending a message to the public led to the suicide of one of the men.

Now we are seeing similar endings from another of these public humiliation cases.   This time in Tennessee where 40 men were arrested in a sex sting.  Again, in some type of action to deter this behavior in others, the mens’ photos and names were released to the public.   This public action has led to the death of one of the wives of the men and another has committed suicide.   One of the men is now suing the police.  Pam Has the story here.

I have to wonder if whatever the police feel they have gained in this was worth all the destroyed lives.  I also have to wonder whatever happen to “innocent until proven guilty.”   These men should have had a fair trial before being punished by law enforcement officials.

I don’t condone public sex.  I think it is sad that these men chose to live in the shadows.  I believe they have been driven to this hiding and sneaking around by the same people who complain they do it (Conservative Christian groups like AFTAH).   It is a crazy cycle.   I favor restorative justice over punitive tactics 100% of the time.  Far less lives are ruined when we choose better tactics to deal with those in our community that act in ways that break the law.

Previous post:
Alabama Sex Sting Arrests: Hoping History Doesn’t Repeat Itself

What I really hate is people who say one thing to your face and then another when your back is turned. That seems to be a pattern with republicans and conservatives. A few months ago RR darling Star Parker wrote a glowing article on how the GOP will be good for Hispanics.

In it she states:

As a population that is young and rapidly growing, with a growing stake in the future of this country, Hispanics should be thinking hard about what kind of future that will be.

Long-term economic growth is vital. Study after study demonstrate, both in the U.S. and all over the world, that low taxes foster and high taxes inhibit growth. Our Hispanic citizens should be reminded, or educated, that keeping taxes low, and therefore limiting growth of government, is essential to their economic future.

Hispanics should understand that today’s entitlements crisis will fall disproportionately on them. Combined spending today on Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid is about 8 percent of our GDP. By 2050, when almost one in three Americans will be of Hispanic origin, this entitlement burden will more than double to around 18 percent of GDP. Our payroll tax burden will also have to double to meet these obligations.

It seems that she thinks that the GOP will be the panacea to Hispanic woes. Contrast that with a article from AFA’s One News Now that accuses McCain of Hispandering.

But Jim Boulet, executive director of English First, says this is the same issue the American public has consistently rejected — and one which McCain has not pushed while campaigning to other groups.

“It led McCain to appear to be two-faced,” Boulet comments. “And goodness knows if you’re going to run as a reform candidate, you need to at least let your yea be yea and your nay be nay.”

Notice the strong difference between the two. One appears to be appealing to Hispanics while the other condemns them. Now you can argue that Boulet is talking about Illegals. But it wasn’t too long ago that my Irish ancestors were treated just as poorly by people like him who had signs outside their store that read, “Help Wanted Irish need not apply.” That is why I am a staunch supporter of Immigration reform.  However I would change one thing and that is to make the permanent visas $30,000 instead of $15,000 and eliminate the immigration cap.

Getting back to my point, this kind of backstabbing is something with which we GLBT’s are all too familiar.  Remember when Alan Chambers Promised that exodus was getting out of politics? I for one, knew it wouldn’t be long till that proved to be a lie.  One ‘exgay’ named Stephen Black was quoted saying:

Stephen Black, executive director of First Stone Ministries in Oklahoma City, said he once was gay. His organization, he said, helps men and women overcome homosexuality.

“There is a political agenda and a cultural message about homosexuality (and) that it is destructive to our country,” he said.

When you say something, you should mean it. When you constantly break your word it makes you an untrustworthy person.  Republicans and Conservatives want Americans to believe they aren’t bigots.

Has Ann Coulter apologized to blacks for calling them infantile. Will Republicans and Conservatives apologize for continuing to assert the lie that Barrack Obama is a secret muslim? Will Sally Kern apologize for asserting gays are worse than Al Queda? Me I won’t hold my breath. These people aren’t known for admitting wrongdoing.

This article is just amazing and it scares me.   Sam Harris points out problems with the soccer-mom for president thinking that I had not even thought to consider.  I urge you to read this article.

Quote from Sam Harris on Sarah palin:

We have all now witnessed apparently sentient human beings, once provoked by a reporter’s microphone, saying things like, “I’m voting for Sarah because she’s a mom. She knows what it’s like to be a mom.” Such sentiments suggest an uncanny (and, one fears, especially American) detachment from the real problems of today. The next administration must immediately confront issues like nuclear proliferation, ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and covert wars elsewhere), global climate change, a convulsing economy, Russian belligerence, the rise of China, emerging epidemics, Islamism on a hundred fronts, a defunct United Nations, the deterioration of American schools, failures of energy, infrastructure and Internet security … the list is long, and Sarah Palin does not seem competent even to rank these items in order of importance, much less address any one of them.

I have pointed out of few times on this blog that I am against self-check out lanes at retail and grocery stores.   My first complaint is that I think they take jobs away from young kids who need to get work experience.   For decades teenagers have held the respectful job of retail cashier.  If the store has 6 self-checkout lanes, that is 5 teenagers who won’t be working there because they were replaced by a machine (one usually works the self check out lanes.) My second reason for boycotting the self-checkout lane is because I believe it damages our sense of community.   I do not believe it is a good thing that we can sneak into the store with talking to a soul, shop and then sneak out to our car.  Such behaviors:

• Isolate us from our communities
• block communication between neighbors
• lowers the chances of building new networks of neighbors
• lowers the chances that others can enjoy the gift of ourselves we can offer

…

I know some of you are reading this and saying Joe’s been smoking that funny, hippie stuff again but I wanted to offer this short story from my week to show how important small talk and chit chat can be in our communities.  I was at the local grocery store and waiting in line at the deli.   It seemed to be taking some extra time to get to the “next” number and I saw that the women next to me was getting irritated.  I offered her a bit of empathy by saying, “it is slow in here today,” she smiled and we started to chit chat mostly about the deli being busy and why we thought is was so busy for a Friday afternoon when it should be dead.   We eventually got our necessities and went on our separate shopping ways.

I then did my usual round of every isle to see what was on sale.   I tend to save money by only buying things when they are on sale (and stocking up).  I see no reason to pay full price for anything when I can by 2 or three extra when it is on sale.

As I made my way through the rows of confusing and sometimes misleading sale signs, I almost ran into another shopper’s cart.  She laughed and smiled and joked that we must be on the same wave length to be going exactly the same place at the same time.   I smiled back and enjoyed the momentary connection.

After finishing all my shopping, I noticed that almost every check out was packed, even the self-checkout lanes that I hate to use.   I finally found an isle where both the woman from the deli and the woman I almost bumped into were, by chance checking out.   We all began to chit chat the small talk people do in the line.   I learned that the woman I almost ran into was named, “Rebbecca” and that she lived just two blocks from me.   We exchanged thoughts an ideas about the neighborhood and she said she would look for me and Rick and the for the next time we walk the dogs in her neck of the woods.   I enjoyed and felt inspired by the connections, the sense of community and the possible neighborly relationships that could be built from a short trip.

The real message here is that I believe we are growing out of touch with our neighbors.  I believe there are many reasons for this, but one of them is those evil, pesky self-check out lanes.   So next time you are at the stores, even if it means you will spend an extra 10 minutes, I beg of you to use to regular check out and meet your neighbors.

Video link

H/T PZ

The speech in the “Plan for Change” video:

“In the past few weeks, Wall Street’s been rocked as banks closed and markets tumbled. But for many of you – the people I’ve met in town halls, backyards and diners across America – our troubled economy isn’t news. 600,000 Americans have lost their jobs since January. Paychecks are flat and home values are falling. It’s hard to pay for gas and groceries and if you put it on a credit card they’ve probably raised your rates. You’re paying more than ever for health insurance that covers less and less. This isn’t just a string of bad luck. The truth is that while you’ve been living up to your responsibilities Washington has not. That’s why we need change. Real change. This is no ordinary time and it shouldn’t be an ordinary election. But much of this campaign has been consumed by petty attacks and distractions that have nothing to do with you or how we get America back on track. Here’s what I believe we need to do…Bitter bipartisan fights, outdated and outworn ideas of the left and the right, won’t solve the problems we face today. But a new spirit of unity and shared responsibility will.

The “Plan for Change” Video:

This sense of uniting the country is needing and why I am voting for Obama.   I like some of McCain’s ideas, but I am tired of a country divided.  I want to get past the labels of liberal left and conservative right and get on to united Americans.   I fear McCain and especially Palin with her religious extremism will only divide us further.  I ask you vote for Change, but I also ask you vote for Unity and McCain had his change to unite us and didn’t!

The other day I got an email from the filmmaker of what looks like a really great project.  The movie is called “The Gay Marriage Thing” and it chronicles some of the events leading up to the marriage decision in Mass. but also the lives of two individuals and their families.  The filmmaker, Stephanie Higgins, tells me, “THE GAY MARRIAGE THING was made for LGBT people to bring home and watch with their families to aid the sometimes difficult dialog about gay marriage. With California set to make history, one way or another, this November, it’s important that we all continue this conversation with family, friends and co-workers.”

It is distributed by The Cinema Guild and is available for purchase and is available for download through TLA Video.  You can find more information about the film at www.thegaymarriagething.com

The website for the film describes it like this:

Lorre and Gayle were heartbroken when they learned their two great-aunts - sisters who’d lived together their entire 80+ years - were on the verge of losing their 1850’s home because it was too big a burden to care for anymore. “Having to leave your home just because you’re older?” Lorre asks. “After living there 60 years?” Gayle adds. “Unfair,” they agree. So they did something about it. Lorre and Gayle broke their apartment rental lease and moved in with a very grateful Gertrude and Germaine, to be financial, emotional and physical caregivers for their elderly aunts. “We were the Golden Girls for a while there, and we still call ourselves that, even though we lost Auntie Gert last year,” Lorre adds. “But Auntie Germaine is still feisty and we do for her because that’s what we’ve both been taught. You take care of family.”

With that, the first few moments of THE GAY MARRIAGE THING paint a picture of what it means to be a family. Gayle and Lorre, thirtysomething college sweethearts who marked their 15th anniversary a year after the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled a ban on same-sex marriage unconstitutional, form the heart of this documentary scrapbook.

From the protests outside the Massachusetts State House, to the churches of the Reverends Rich Wiesenbach and Carlton Smith, to the historic chambers echoing State Representative Kathi-Anne Reinstein’s perspective, THE GAY MARRIAGE THING captures how all of these voices swirl in the air around Gayle and Lorre as they approach May 17, 2004, the first date same-sex couples could file for marriage licenses in Massachusetts. While eavesdropping on the emotional and spiritual toll this issue has taken upon all parties, the story carries forth to the everyday angst and anticipation of Lorre and Gayle’s own wedding.

THE GAY MARRIAGE THING is not some historical commentary on gay rights in the United States. It is instead a small cinematic story with big implications. By focusing on one suburban couple and the multitude of events that directly affect that couple’s otherwise average life, THE GAY MARRIAGE THING strives to show a different side of this issue than documentaries or television newscasts have thus far.

With protesters and their colorful signs serving as a Greek chorus, and an array of opinions from church, state, and everyone in between, this is the film that family members can finally watch together. THE GAY MARRIAGE THING is the documentary that opens the dialogue, fully expecting the audience to continue it.

I would suggest spreading the word about this film as it really puts a face and a family to the issues at hand.  People sometimes have a tendency to lose sight of the fact this debate affects not just public policy but living breathing people!  Here is the trailer for the film:

As many of my long time readers know, I am a musician and a songwriter.  You can find lots of my music and even a video I did for fun here on the site.  At heart I am a keyboard player who can make pretty sounds with a guitar, but at heart I am still the little boy who took piano lessons at 5 years old.  I had many heroes growing up including Elton John, Billy Joel, Rick Wakeman and of course, Rick Wright of Pink Floyd.

In my years growing up, I was a huge fan of Pink Floyd.  The lush sounds and melodic piano lines inspired me to practice.  I can remember begging my piano teacher to let me work on the “Great Gig in the Sky” and feeling so excited when she finally, reluctantly said yes.

Today, the man who inspired me by playing those beautiful lines, and introducing me to the beauty of Moog, has gone on to the great gig in the sky.  I pay tribute with a hole in my heart.   Rick, You will be missed but I thank you for the inspiration when I was a teenager!

Pink Floyd member Richard Wright dies at age 65

I was asked in an earlier thread:

Why don’t you just tell your readers why making “enriching connections” with ourselves and others is so important if it has nothing to do with anything beyond our own personal needs?

I thought this question was a great topic.  Why are “life enriching connections” so important? I believe that the lack of such connections, the lack of us meeting our own needs and the needs of others is a great source of violence on our planet.

It is clear to me that much of the violence we see, especially from young ones getting into gangs is due to the need for connection and the need for love not being met.  Our youth are longing for connections, families that will be there for them and those needs are not being met, but our needs must be met for us to survive.

If our needs are not being met, we will either consciously try to meet them or unconsciously try to meet them with drugs, alcohol, food or sex.  Even the moral judgments of others are an expression of unmet needs in ourselves.  We say, “She is so lazy” when we have a need for activity.   “He is such a liar” when we have a need for honesty.  “You are a blabber mouth” when we have a need to be heard.

Our needs are extremely important to our emotional and even our physical survival.  If our need for shelter was not met, we would die of exposure to the elements.  If our need for food and nourishment was not met, them we wold die of starvation.  If our need for love was not met, we would die of loneliness.   Our needs matter and our feelings are the indicators of what needs are met and what needs are not.

French writer,  Thomas D’Ansembourg noted in his book, Being Genuine that much like the lights on the dash board of a car that tell you what the car “needs”, our feelings are indicators of what we need.   When the oil light pops on we have been made aware that the oil needs to be checked.   When the “check engine” light comes on, well it is time for us to check the engine.

Our feelings serve a similar purpose and work in much the same way.   When we feel hungry, it alerts us to our need to eat.  When we feel lonely, it alerts us to our need to make connections or seek out affection with loved ones.   When we feel scared, our body and mind are telling us to fill our need for safety.

I believe that we all pay when our needs and the needs of others are not met.   If a mother’s need for security is not met, her child will suffer because their need for connection with their mother is no longer met.  Because her children are suffering they are harder to teach, so their teacher suffers.  She goes home to her family feeling frustrated because her need to contribute and her need to share may not have been met.   Her children will now suffer because their mother is not fully present with them because she is suffering.   This chain goes on and on to the next person who cannot be fully present with others because of pain of unmet needs.

We are all interconnected regardless how hard we try to ignore that fact.  You can see from the chain of what unmet needs means to one and how it can affect others that making “life enriching connections” is very important to all of us because we are so interconnected.   As Martin Luther King, Jr. stated so eloquently, “whatever affects one of us, directly affects all of us” and that is the reason making such connections extends well beyond our personal needs.   It is a direct way of reducing violence on the planet.

I thought, considering the conversation that is going in in this thread, that this video would be helpful in conveying some of the talking points brought up in the conversation.  Now as some hints, when Marshall refers to “jackals” he is refering to language that disconnects us.  When he refers to “giraffe” he is speaking in NVC.  I would be interested in what you readers have to say about this video.